Things I Will NOT Miss in Arizona

The weather - Summer

If you're east of the Mississippi, you may have heard talk of a mythical land to the west, where the temperature may burst your thermometer, buy you'd never notice because the heat simply floats away with the negligible humidity - it's a "dry heat" as they say. One of the first things I learned in Arizona was the only difference between a "wet heat" and a "dry heat" is that you sweat in a wet heat and you don't in a dry heat. You are miserable in both of them. They jury is still out on whether the arid or the humid is more oppressive, but 117 degrees is still hot no matter where you're from. It's like standing under a heat lamp with a blow dryer in your face. By the end of the summer, the first day the heat drops below 100 will be the best day of your life. That's just not right. 

Driving in Phoenix

Phoenix is the 5th most populous city in the US, with about 1.5 million people. When you include the entire Phoenix metro area, that jumps up to about 4.3 million people. And this is spread out over 16,573 sq. miles of desert. Needless to say, everyone drives in Phoenix. It would probably take you an hour to drive from one side of the Valley to the other (that's on major highways) and all you would see is the same sun-bleached concrete wonderland. Who knows how long it would take during rush hour. Yes, there are buses, but unless you live right in the middle of the population center, you won't get anywhere in a timely fashion. In fact, there are some places the buses don't even run to yet, since the city is just so vast. And motorists in Phoenix are crazy. Maybe they're all angry and sick of driving, too. More likely they're all just trying to shave off whatever seconds they can from their drive time, since it's at least a 30 minute commute to anywhere. Plus Phoenix is #1 in the country for red light running fatalities. Mesa is #3. I could happily go without having to drive through that insanity ever again.

Snowbirds 

The only thing worse than being stuck in 120 degree heat is being surrounded by rich old people who think that Phoenix is just the most wonderful place in the world because they're rich and retired and can afford to live in a pleasant part of the country during the summer.

The Desert

 

Yeah, the desert is kind of cool. But it's also kind of lame. In reality it may be teeming with life, but everything looks brown and gray and dead most of the year. Every plant has spikes, not just the cactus. You have to constantly monitor your every movement, lest one of them jump out and attack you. I was lucky enough to have the full desert experience and actually get a piece of cactus stuck in my leg. And if the plants aren't enough, watch out where you sit, because the scorpions and the rattlesnakes will get you next. Or maybe the killer bees if you happen to stumble on a hive, which could be anywhere. You have to make an expedition across the wilderness to find any kind of water, the ground is made of solid rock, and there is no shade. It's basically an unrelenting, barren wasteland.


Jobs

Obviously. Of course, if it weren't for the crappy jobs that Shawn and I had in Phoenix, we probably wouldn't be on our way to Korea right now. But we're both more than happy to be rid of them. Of all the jobs I've had so far, I've never made anything higher than $8.50/hr, and if I ever have to go back to a job like that....well, it won't be pretty.